It’s 2019 and I feel Yucky

It’s 2019 and I feel Yucky

It’s 2019 and I feel yucky!  Lyme disease first hit me (that I noticed) somewhere near the end of 2007.  After being misdiagnosed a couple of times (that’s bad) and given the wrong treatment (that’s really bad), I was almost bedridden.  Wow, was I sick!

Finally, somewhere around two years in, give or take,  I was told about my present doctor, a lyme-literate naturopathic doctor who is licensed to prescribe antibiotics.  There is a very good possibility that saved my life.

However, when you’re misdiagnosed and given the wrong kind of treatment (a short run of antibiotics, antidepressants for pain that caused heart arrhythmias), being told you have a “genetic predisposition for a low immune system,” which is contrary to my whole life record up to 2007, combined with no sleep for months before getting something that actually took the edge off the pain – the chances of a full recovery, sad to say, become slim.

Right now, I’m more than two years off antibiotics, finally.  I haven’t crashed in that time, where prior to that, I crashed within a matter of weeks.  The last and most effective treatment I endured was regular intramuscular shots of a slow release antibiotic into my gluteous maximus at the loving hand of my dear and very patient wife.  (It is interesting to note, here, that this same treatment seems to have been what really brought singer/songwriter/actor, Kris Kristofferson back from a misdiagnosis of Alzheimers).

After taking those shots for a period of time, I seemed to have reached a plateau, and my liver wasn’t liking it a lot, so we decided to take a break.  I haven’t crashed, as mentioned earlier, since that time.  However, I am far from truly well.

My immune system is almost shot.  Whatever is going around, I get.  I’ve had a cold or flu since December of 2017 and right now am really sick with the 2018/2019 winter flu.  I am told it is the worst year that any healthcare workers can remember, so I guess I shouldn’t complain too much – I’m still alive – but I feel yucky!

As I type this, I’m fighting waves of nausea, humming/singing ears, a headache, and a persistent cough.  The “normal” pain from the Lyme, or perhaps only the damage from the Lyme, is multiplied at this time.

Sleep is a challenge, waking comes often, getting comfortable is next to impossible, and getting up in the morning is an exhausting process.  But I must carry on, as must we all.

While my doctor and I both continue to do constant research and collaboration on anything we find out, the struggle continues.  We are trying to repair the damage that has been done, to stop the constant pain response, and to rebuild my immune system.  We have not yet been successful.

In addition to this (and I am certain that any of my readers who have been fighting their own, long-term battle with Lyme disease can identify), I continue to get well-meaning (and sometimes likely not so well-meaning) advice from people who don’t know what they’re talking about, nor how many things I’ve tried, nor how often the “miracles” they suggest are simply useless and often expensive quackery.

Unfortunately, far too many really nice people have fallen prey to some of this quackery, due to the endless claims made to which desperate people are most susceptible.  Alas, I have known too many people who have spent massive amounts of money on these things, only to come out worse – and one who died…

We are susceptible to this kind of fraud, because we feel yucky.  Many of us cannot do the simple research that would expose these schemes and sugar pills, because Lyme disease takes away everything, including your smallest level of ambition.  I have been blessed with a mind that was very quick before I got sick, and a dogged determination instilled in me as a child that when something must be done, it must be done.

That has allowed me to do much more research than many of us “Lymies” or “Spoonies,” because  I can push a little further, even when the pain in my head is close to making me scream.  But still, I have limits I never used to have.  And I still feel yucky.

It’s 2019 and I feel yucky.  It’s now going on 12 years since my first symptoms appeared.  In that time, I’ve learned a lot about myself, about my wife (who I used to ignore more than I ever realized) and about life, itself.

I am more thankful than I ever was for a loving God who, while allowing this to happen to me, has taught me so much and has shown me so much that I was missing and taking for granted!   He has, at the same time, given me back a quality of life that many with this disease never regain.

So, yes, I feel yucky, but I also know I am blessed more than I ever realized.  I have not died, nor have I had to stay on the couch, but I’ve been able to watch grandchildren grow, and been able to visit when more have been born.  I have not lost my home, nor my wife.  I have not completely lost my mind!  (That’s a little joke!!)

We now have eight grandchildren, four of whom live a long way from here, yet we are still able to visit them and so far, I am able to drive the thirteen hour drive to southern Idaho.  Before getting diagnosed and treatment to stop and reverse the damage to an extent, I had a really hard time driving anywhere by myself, so that’s really something!

It’s 2019 and I feel yucky.  But maybe when this flu/cold or whatever it is goes away, which I really hope it finally will, I will feel so much better that I will be able to start working out again, and get back on the bike.  There’s always hope.

My word to you, dear reader, is never give up.  You might not quit hurting or quit feeling worn out or quit feeling a bit yucky every morning, but life, itself, is sweet.  Life is a real gift, no matter what.  Grab every bit you can and be thankful for what you have.  Never, ever give up!

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